After September 11, 2001, the world felt especially fragile to me. I could no longer ignore how our world was spiraling down and collapsing into hatred and violence. And then we embarked on what now seems like an endless war. And the question remains: why it is so hard for what is best in us human beings—the warmth and goodness of the heart—to take hold in this world? It doesn’t make sense to me because love after all is the very fabric of what we are. It is what links us together across boundaries of time and space. It is what lives on when all else has died. It is what we saw in New York City right after September 11. The sweetness of that connection was palpable. For awhile it seemed that New Yorkers would never lose their generosity and kindness. But as usually happens, awakened hearts go back to sleep. It is difficult to sustain the wisdom and joy that visit us in times of loss and love and which leaves us standing naked and humble before the most unaffected kind of human love.
Choices in Surviving
We all get these cataclysmic crucibles we have to go through and we have choices. Many years ago, I realized it’s important to make the distinction between things you may not necessarily have a choice in (cancer or losing someone you love), but outside of that you have hundreds of choices about how you live your life. People die every day. But, I believe, I believe in the good still. It’s been a hell of a decade and I believe that in the face of sometimes overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that things will be okay. I believe a lot of things–I believe that those loved ones I’ve lost are always with me. I believe that if I eat a pint of Hagen Das and no ones sees, it has less calories. And I believe that even though we make mistakes, we will be okay. I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive.
Some Kind of Grace
Lately, I’ve been ‘praying’…A LOT. Mostly for some kind of grace to accept those things which I cannot change and continue to meet them face to face. It requires I conjure up some kind of courage too. I’m walking lightly here, taking things for what they are. Peace be.
