Every relationship is an experiment; you never know exactly what you’ll get. Some people/things/experiences bring out a side of you that you didn’t know you had. Some remind you that your story isn’t over. Some surprise you. And once in a while, you surprise yourself. And, although all relationships require compromise, sometimes you get more, not less.  And sometimes, you can’t get more.  Sometimes what you had is gone forever.  And, although it’s painful, you have to find the strength to go on, to keep searching for the love, for that one perfect ingredient, or whatever it is that might have been missing. No matter how far or how deep you have to go to find it. Go to enough extremes and you’ll find a kind of balance.  So it is that my chosen sport (distance running) seems a perfect match for my makeup, my way of ‘being’ if you will.  Most of the time though, I’ve found there’s nothing out there to find, nothing is missing.  I just missed what was here all along.  Still, I enjoy the journey most days.  Never thought one minute of the searching and pushing was all for naught.  

I still don’t like recliners.  Those big, fat easy chairs which are supposed to be for relaxing, watching the tube.  They remind me of the ‘barca loungers’ you find in chemo treatment.  So, I have an aversion to a certain type of furniture now.  Weird stuff still comes up post treatment.  Even after leaving the world of gamma rays, masked and gloved people in gowns, chemicals that would require a hazmat crew if spilled, it hasn’t been happily ever after.  My life is fairly normal, if you don’t look closely.   My previous life seems like a dim memory.  Like it was someone else’s life.  What I do know now is that I am mortal.  I can’t unknow that.  And I wish like hell I could.  

The thing about plans is they don’t take into account the unexpected, so when we’re thrown a curve ball in life, we have to improvise.  Of course, some of us are better at it than others.  And some of us just have to move on to Plan B, and make the best of it.  Sometimes what we want, we can’t have or don’t need.  And sometimes what we want is exactly what we need.  But sometimes, sometimes what we need is a new plan.  We live in a world of worse case scenarios and then we cut ourselves off from hoping for the best because too many times the best doesn’t happen.  But every now and then something extraordinary occurs and suddenly the best case scenarios seem possible.  And every now and then something amazing happens, and against our better judgment, we start to have hope.